My Wretched Soul

My faith is not what I pretend it to be
I live in a bubble of hypocrisy
Love is a verb and I obey what I fear
All I do is distance myself and wonder why God doesn’t draw near

Myself, the world, my family, God last
I blame everyone else for my present and past
As I sink toward the bottom like Jonah and cry
Not knowing if God hears, in denial about why

Will tomorrow be different if today is the same?
Will I use what God gave me – my heart and my brain?
Will I wash off the filth of my mud and my mire?
Will I tell the truth and be no more the liar?

Oh Lord will you help me – I beg of you please
Your mind is all knowing, your eye everything sees
Won’t you have mercy on my wretched soul
Search cleanse and lead me, how you only know


About Lance Ponder

Christian author of "Ask James one"; public speaker; husband and father. Available to speak on Creation and the Gospel.
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7 Responses to My Wretched Soul

  1. Bernie says:

    Soul piercing words Lance that I so relate to … so are you sharing the words of another here or are these autobiographical words from the heart?


  2. Bernie says:

    Thanks for sharing something so obviously personal Lance …

    • Lance Ponder says:

      Oh, I can write a good post now and then, but deep down I’m the wretch saved by amazing grace. If I said I was sinless I would be a liar of the first order. Some days I pretend I’m all that. But I’m married, so I seldom get to live in that fantasy for long. This poem was a response (toward God) to a fight with my lovely bride.

  3. Todd Beal says:

    I’m right there with you Lance, a most penetrating poetic concurrence of Romans 7. We must always remember that Jesus lovingly pulled Peter up from the water when he took his eyes off Jesus. Jesus didn’t turn his back on Peter or send him away. Jesus simply told him that he had a small portion of faith and that he allowed his doubt to overrule it. This means so much to me. I love Jesus for this. Until writing this comment, I never grasped the significance of Jesus’ loving response toward Peter’s failure – so humbling.

    Sometimes we must learn the extent to which we inevitably fail apart from God before we can know the extent to which God will empower us to overcome our powerlessness. I find that it is especially difficult for headstrong, autonomous males to accept that His power is made perfect in our weakness (II Corinthians 12:9-10). We must stop trying to be strong in our own strength, but rather through our belief in, acceptance of, and action upon his provision of faith, rise to undefeatable triumph.

    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). Thank you for this poem, Lance.  I am a changed man because of your obedience in posting it.

    • Lance Ponder says:

      Todd, your comment means a great deal to me. I am not normal given to such introspective yet liberating truth. When I created this blog I intended to keep personal stuff off it for the most part. But, this came out. To God goes any glory, for I have none. Like most people, in my flesh it seems the truth is great when viewed from a distance. Or, as I sometimes say, when I realize how God can see through me I understand why vampires hate to look in mirrors.

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